Constipated...

Everyone knows what this word means because it’s part of our daily lives, but what does it mean to me??? Same thing… One thing I can tell you is that I have been constipated for a long time now. Please do not imagine a pile of shit sitting in my gut, no, I am constipated mentally and emotionally.

Have you ever had a constipated heart? It’s really heavy, trust me. You walk around with this extra weight, you don’t get a break from it, everywhere you at, it’s there. You go to the shops, this guy comes up and start telling you about how late he is, so can he cut in line?? Your will nod your hear head signaling “yes” while your heart is scream “No $%&#@, get in line like the rest of us”…

Imagine all the things you have wanted to say to all the taxi driver you have crossed paths with, all the things you wanted to say to your parents when you were still young, thaaaaat crush you always wanted to confess to, and many more. Now why do we do that to ourselves??? Is it low confidence or do we care too much? Maybe we are insecure about what we thin, maybe we feel t’s not good enough. I don’t think it’s its kindness though, because these things bother us.

I don’t know about you guys but I have an excuse, everyone knows constipation involves sh*t; and even though the Constitution of South Africa does offer relief, a laxative for people like me in Chapter 2 of the constitution, ‘Bill of Rights’ number 16 (1) states that:

“Everyone has the right to freedom of expression...”

But we are talking about shit, so I guess that’s why I have been locking up my thoughts and feelings all this time, because they stink and when they are out in the open they will sting. People would get hurt, a lot. I would be called names, bad names. I would be describes as this and that, and we don’t want that. But one day, I will talk, am just stalking up on boxes of tissue in the mean while so that when the day comes have sufficient supplies, people will need them.

-M. Hlazo