The curse between my legs

Sometimes I feel like I was born with a curse between my legs. A curse that dictates what I wear how I should carry myself and who I can hang out with. As a women I am a sitting duck I’m not safe everywhere I go because of the curse between my legs. I am always in fear for my safety because some entitled men might violent me. Strip me off all my power and self-worth, trample on my dignity and infringe on my right to safety. Society is not going to try and stand by me or cry with me but will ask what I was wearing. My neighbour will think to herself I wanted it because I defy the normative values women are raised by, all my friends are males. I like hanging out with the guy from across the street and go clubbing with him on weekends. The police lady I report this to, instead of getting trigger itchy from my story will ask whether I had anything to drink or did I give him the wrong impression as if any of those things matter. I did not choose to be born with this curse but, when I do choose to speak up about the difficulties I face every day because of it I get silenced and everybody looks the other way. I try raising awareness by marching with my breasts exposed to show that my body is mine and no means no people choose to look at my saggy breasts instead of paying attention to my agony.

I live in a society where I have to prove myself twice as hard and still be seen as pretty not smart or efficient. My ambition is seen as a threat because the harder I work the less time I have to take care of my husband and be a good wife as if that is my only purpose. My mama who should be my biggest cheerleader tells me that I should not aspire to own the Lamborghini I see driving by because it might intimidate my future husband and rather find a man who can afford to buy it for me. I don’t have a voice ngoba funeke ndithozamele indoda. I tell them I am a feminist and they say western education has ruined me and feminism is un-African.  Haibo kanti does Africaness mean I have to aspire to be less, submit to a man’s ego and hide my ambitions all because I want a husband. I am a women and was born with a curse between my legs.

By-Olivia Pope