Men are Dogs...

I have heard ladies say this line too many times, some even go on to say “ALL men are dogs”, and society replies with “Who said try all of them my sister”, lol, jah society is rough…

I am going to give myself a Doctorate and rephrase the “man are dogs line”, y’all can call me Dr M Hlazo…

MAN with these:

Are DOGS…

Now those are your dogs, tail, walks on four legs, bark, sniffs ass, all the works…

BUT…

Ladies, let me let you in on a lil secret y’all probably didn’t know about, men don’t love beautiful expensive cars, NO, that shit strains your budget. Men love beautiful expensive cars because YOU love them and we men love you ladies, with all your curves, beautiful smiles, dark chocolate skins and the list goes on.

So at a National Get-Laid Conference held somewhere in the world in 2000(and something), Prof Jan Fuckfontein De Walt, presented a synopsis of his study to the gentlemen of the world, he said:

“Men love women, women love cars”

Man + Woman = Woman + Car

The common denominator is “women”, (NB: Do not apply your mathematical mind, let it take a chill pill) so the Prof said:

Man = Woman + Car

So the conclusion was, if a man wants a woman, he must get a car, or if the car dealer wants to sell his expensive stock, he must tell a man about all the girls he will get. The Prof said you guys get a tingly feeling when you see an expensive beautiful car… well, I don’t know how true that is... Y’all can confirm or deny if y’all want to.

I know some ladies will be defensive and say “My Boo doesn’t have a car and I still love him”. Well here is the explanation, “The-Dogs” come in different levels, we men call it “leagues”, let me just take you true my life to help you ladies understand this:

Crèche:

The nigga with the coolest lunch box gets the girl… I am talking ham, cheese, Lettuce, bacon type(a) shit, not iRama nePeanut butter, unfortunately, I only say lettuce and bacon at Wimpy nge 20^th when my mom got paid, so you know my lunch box.

Primary School:

The nigga “Woolworths” uniform and proper stationary got the girl, a nigga with a pencil case that had everything from a Prit, Stapler, Cocki-pens, rubber, scissor, highlighter, Clutch pencil, etc. and again, unfortunately I was the nigga with a broken pencil I sharpened with my teeth and a pen you had to shake before writing, you write two sentences and you shake again, story of my life. My gangsters know what am talking about, “yoohw-yoohw”... oh and I wore Student Prince…

These:

 

Not these: 

High School:

I went to Zingisa Comprehensive High School, those from Mthatha will know what Zingisa and Khanyisa were famous for, am not sure about now but am talking about back in the days of Nkongolo, Super-Magodovious, Taliban, etc. The times of plate, amadombolo nee ndwazi... Get the Picture?? Yep, you guessed it, in high school, the Dancers got the girls. And AGAIN, unfortunately I was the nigga waiting by the hall door when there is a school function asking my friends “iphela nini le weyi siy’betheni”.

Not this:

This:

Varsity:

I won’t even talk about varsity, because it is the time y’all went crazy and started chasing our big brothers and fathers. Y’all know why, so I’ll leave it to y’all to discuss…

Working class:

Back to what I was saying, the nigga with the VW Golf 7 R gets the girl, not just a girl, but any girl, many girls and thee girl, cream of the crop. Selfish Bastards. You can’t argue this, it has been proven over and over again ever since the conference…

But someone can turn around and ask “But Mzu, there are a lot of niggas without cars chowing, how come?” then that brings me to my core discussion, “Good Boys & Bad Boys”. Women love Bad Boys, it really puzzles me why but it’s like that, we can’t change it, and having sooo much experience in the “friend Zone” trust me, I know… even though these niggas have broken their hearts over and over again, they still go back, they cry on us (good nigga), when they are done they chuck us back in the friend zone and find another bad-boy, cum’on ladies, can’t y‘all see that this is a vicious cycle.

So ladies the cure to “Man are Dogs” is simple, go to your friend zone, dust up a nigga and make him yours.Hey, I won’t lie to you, you might be bored in your relationship, but trust me, your heart will never be broken. Let’s live in a world where ladies will say “All Men are Puppies”

Just look at them: "Ncoooooo"

I know I am wasting my time, but I am just putting it out there. And it’s also insurance, I will never comfort anyone ozoza kum esithi “nywee nywee nywee, I recently found out I was his side-chick all along” or “nywee nywee nywee, I found out I am not his one and only”

Umthandazo wooLova:

Um'Thandazo we niggas in the "Friend-Zone"

I’ve always read a lot of Shakespeare,

So to me love was crystal clear.

Every night before Bed I write in my diary “Oh Dear”,

“Today I was surrounded by love, but SHE is my peer”

Not to be rude but that’s not the kind I want nor need,

And every day SHE is not by my side my heart bleeds.

Every day I secretly pray that “the-one” is near,

I must maintain my faith and hope maybe 2016 is the year.

#My fellow Freind-Zonees are crossing fingers right now...